Right now, I’m busy. Catch me at the wrong moment and I’d say I’m stressed. Too much to get done and too little time before Spring sign-ups go live, on July 1st. And then even more to get done before you all start training on September 1st….. Which is why the blog this week goes right back to where it all began. It’s about reminding myself, and you, why Spring exists and how it makes a difference.
Depression, bi-polar disorder, anxiety disorders, eating disorders…. they might be invisible. But they dominate the lives that they touch. Mum has been hospitalised countless times. She was absent, either literally or at least in mind, for a huge part of my childhood. In theory, she was always there when we came home from school. But the reality was different. Mental illness can be all-consuming. The fact that her and Dad are still married almost 40 years later is a huge achievement on both of their parts.
There are a lot of stories I could tell. A psychiatric ward is not the place you want your kids to spend every evening for months on end. There were lots of miserable moments, but I’m convinced that they’ve made everyone in our family stronger. And Mum is a whole lot healthier now than she was then, so why dwell on the worst of it?
After all that has happened, Mum and I get on, but I wouldn’t say that we’re close. I don’t know if you ever re-build that connection. So Spring is my way of trying to understand mental illness. I see myself helping Mum by making it easier for other people who are dealing with the same hand that she was dealt. I see Spring as a means to break down the barriers that still surround depression. And a way to give individuals the tools to tackle their own depression.
I am so, so grateful that I don’t seem to have inherited bi-polar disorder. Which makes me willing to help those who have. This determination is what keeps me moving forward on the craziest days.
Here is a short version of Mum’s take on bi-polar disorder:
Bipolar disorder has impacted on me and my family big time. It must have been ghastly for my husband and children in a household clouded by this serious mental illness and in hindsight, my many hospital admissions must have been well-earned respite for them.
A turning point was being assigned to a psychiatrist, psychologist and community health nurse that I got on with, could trust and would listen to. Maybe too, I’d finally realised that this competitive, high-achieving woman who’d assumed she could control her life herself, would always need medications and support from psych professionals. Realising that family and friends weren’t actually ‘getting at me’, but trying to help was a big step towards where I am now too.
With my improved mood stability, acceptance of my illness and increased self-confidence, I’ve gradually opened up and it’s amazing how accepting everyone ‘out there’ is. I’m not the ‘nutter’ I thought I was.
Feeling good about yourself and improving your self-esteem is a big issue for mental health patients and a good way to help that is engaging in sport. It’s a well-known fact that the endorphins released during sport are good, natural mood-boosters. Sport is a major part of my life and many of my achievements have been through sports, mostly mountain biking and running. And that is just one of the reasons that I’m so happy to see that Gretchen has founded and grown Spring into what it is today.
- Paddi Hodgkiss
